Narrative Messages Part 1

This-an activity that is performed in secret and is often associated with shame, admitted or not-symbolizes her attitude toward herself. She wants to enjoy pleasure, but only secretly, furtively. It is as if she fears sharing herself intimately with someone else. Although pleasant in its own way, masturbation does not lead to intimacy with others; in fact, it can, by definition, exclude others. It suggests that a person can be self-sufficient, even when it comes to sexual intimacy, which many would argue is a fallacious notion. At best, masturbation is a temporary stopgap. It is intended to relieve one of his or her frustration only when a partner is unavailable.

The shame that often accompanies masturbation is clearly revealed by the shemale's reactions to being caught in the act by her seatmate: "Beside me, she froze, sitting motionless and silent. . . . She said nothing. . . . e still didn't say anything; she still didn't move." It is only after her fellow passenger takes over for her that she relaxes. The solitary act becomes a sharing: "She'd closed her eyes, looking as lovely as a sleeping angel as she breathed deeply, her whole body relaxed and still."

Shemales know that they are not "normal." They know that they transcend sex and gender. They know that, like hermaphrodites in the ancient and medieval worlds, they are regarded by others, by "normal" people, as freaks of nature or, worse, as monsters. Although they can never be what they are not (normal), they long to be accepted, to belong, to be respected, to be valued and to be esteemed. They long, in short, to be loved. The seatmate tells the shemale, "You're beautiful" as he performs an intimate sexual act on her behalf, helping her to attain orgasm. This shemale and her newfound lover are headed for the right destination: Philadelphia, The City of Brotherly Love, and, when they reach their intended stopping place, the driver calls, "end of the line!"